The Key to Losing Weight (and Keeping It Off)

For the first time in a decade, losing weight will NOT be one of my New Year’s resolutions. The reason? After years of piling on the padding (and a few failed weight-loss attempts) I’ve lost 60 lbs. over the past four months.

I’ve only blogged about diet once and did so hesitantly. But that two-year-old post is still getting consistent hits. Everybody is Googling for the silver bullet to shedding pounds. They think that there must be some secret diet, high-tech fitness equipment, or miracle pill that will finally give them health.

As I said back then, fat people offer the most dieting advice. So I swore that I wouldn’t address the subject again until I was a much thinner man. Now that I’ve achieved a moderate level of scrawn, I wanted to share several counter-intuitive observations about weight loss.

  1. Every diet works.

    South Beach, Jenny Craig, Atkins, Slim Fast, Medifast, Zone, Modified Zone, Nutrisystem, Jared’s Subway Spectacular — each one of these mainstream diets works like a charm. As will any diet or exercise program that takes in less calories than it expends.

    After failing at a couple of the above plans, I decided that they didn’t work. It was only recently I determined that these diets didn’t fail — I did. If I would have stuck with their program, the weight would have fallen off.

    So read about the different options and choose the one you think will fit best with your lifestyle. Then choose a second option.

  2. Every backup diet works too.

    Say you’re driving to an important meeting and an bad accident blocks your usual route. Do you just go home? No, you use a different route to get to there. If weight loss is an important goal, you’ll act accordingly.

    Since failure is always dispiriting, pick your detour diet ahead of time. Creating this fallback actually helps you stick to your original plan by changing your choices. No longer are you choosing between a bland shake and a DQ Double Mint Oreo Blizzard with Xtreme Spr!nklz. Instead you’re choosing a Slimfast shake or an Atkins shake.

  3. No one has ever cheated on a diet.

    You can’t cheat a diet, but you can cheat yourself. If you sneak in a greasy cheesesteak, the diet plan is going to be fine. You are the only one who will suffer since you’re further from your goal. And although we all fall short sometimes, don’t pretend you’re getting away with something.

  4. Develop a healthy negative attitude.

    When going through various diets’ promotional literature, I read a lot of happy talk about the various diets. “The food is DELICIOUS!” “I was NEVER hungry!” “It’s SO EASY!”

    Lies all. I don’t care which diet you choose. The food sucks. You’re desperately hungry, at least early on. And it’s tough as hell to stick to the plan.

    Obviously, I maintained a positive attitude about achieving my ultimate goal, but I didn’t lie to myself about what a breeze the diet would be. I decided that life would suck for a few months, but the result was worth it. And every time I sort-of enjoyed a pre-packaged diet soup, it was a pleasant surprise.

  5. And finally, The Key to Losing Weight (and Keeping It Off)

    You’ll lose weight when you want health more than you want that donut.

    It’s just that simple — and that difficult. I was overweight for years and had several failed attempts at lasting weight loss. But it wasn’t the fault of the diet, my metabolism, genes, body type or anything else. There was no rare medical condition that was keeping the pounds on. I just didn’t want to lose weight as much as I wanted another plate of buffalo wings.

    I could list 20 more tips and tricks that helped me along with way. But ultimately I had to make the choice for myself. And once I made that decision, I had little choice but to lose weight.

    So, I chose the plan best suited to me and selected a backup plan. I wrote 17 reasons why I wanted to be healthy and read them daily. I planned my meals days in advance and joined an online support group. I gave away my XL clothing like Cortez burned his ships.

    And I’ll keep the weight off as long as I opt for health over heartburn.

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December 31st, 2008 by admindude

The last, best hope for the G.O.P ?

In 2000, the GOP had Karl Rove.

In 2004, it was Frank Luntz.

In 2008, Obama turned the tables on the Republicans and produced his own infomercial.

Fear not, GOP. Your future is waiting for you.

Billy Mays is a Republican.

With Billy Mays behind you, who can be against you?

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December 31st, 2008 by admindude

My first-ever New Years Predictions Post

And more than likely, my last.

So here goes…

Steve Jobs, citing health reasons, will step down as Apple’s CEO. Phil Schiller will take over.

Steve Ballmer, having run out of chairs to throw, will step down as Microsoft’s CEO.

There will be no successor to the xBox 360, but Apple will come out with a larger iPod touch/net tablet.

Barack Obama will not be charged in the Blago investigation, but Rahm Emmanuel will be convicted of perjury.

Governor Blagojevich will withdraw the Burris nomination and appoint Ferris Bueller to fill Obama’s Senate seat.

In Arizona news, Jan Brewer will work with the GOP House and Senate and actually fix the mess that Governor Napolitano left her.

But Attorney General Terry Goddard will mail out thousands of flyers using taxpayer money that claim it was his idea all along.

Sheriff Joe, combining his two biggest PR successes of 2008, will announce a program to halt the spread of illegal chihuahua immigration.

The Light Rail will have enough riders to break even, but until it’s used as a means to get people where they want to go instead of a way to stimulate growth, it’ll never be a hit.

The Trib will stop printing altogether.

The Suns won’t make it pass the first round of the playoffs, but the Coyotes will. And ASU will be in the NCAA basketball tourney.

Iraq will be stable enough for Obama to claim the victory that George Bush won, yet not stable enough for Obama to pull out all our troops.

Afghanistan won’t stabilize in the first year of Obama’s administration,

… because the government of Pakistan will fail, leading to a U.S.-led operation to secure Pakistan’s nukes.

In Palestine, the Hamas government will fall, bringing Fatah back into power with (shock!) the help of the Israelis.

Russia wll make another play for South Ossetia. Obama will waffle, and Russia will succeed.

And most importantly,

Yellowstone won’t blow up. Yet.

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December 31st, 2008 by admindude

I warned you

Me, November 4th.

Ok, so we just re-elected Carter.

How bad were the late 70’s,
anyways? They gave us the Sex Pistols, Blondie, and The Talking Heads.
And Star Wars. And Apocalypse Now.

And the Ayatollah Khomeni. And long, long gas lines. And runaway inflation. And disco.

Dear Lord, can this country stand four more years of disco?

Looks like we’re going to find out: Disco fever is back (apparently disco fever is penicillin-resistant).

After years of being relegated to the office party and hen nights, disco has
shimmied her way back up to the top of the cool kids’ party playlist.
Blanketed in glitzy memories of Studio 54, disco provides the perfect
antidote to the all-pervading grimness of the life ahead.

With disco back, maybe we’ll see CBGB rise from the ashes as well. One can only hope.

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December 30th, 2008 by admindude

Great moments in marketing history

Using transit ads to raise awareness of breast cancer: Good.

Not checking to see where the ad will fit on the bus: Bad.

That’s got to raise some eyebrows at the, ah, filling station…

via Photoshop Disasters.

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December 30th, 2008 by admindude

The sadly obligatory “Barack the Magic Negro” post

My response?

It’s stupid.

The song and the controversy both. Geraghty says it best:

The social acceptance of a possible RNC chairman to distribute songs
that use the term “white negro” is where conservatives want to draw
their line in the sand? This is our hill to die on? Or can we conclude
that some things that are acceptable for satirists and provocateurs
like Rush Limbaugh and Shandlin probably shouldn’t be mimicked by a
party chairman?

Based on his interview on the Hugh Hewitt Show, I liked Saltsman’s chances for RNC head. But as we found out with Mike Huckabee, sometimes candidates vet themselves.

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December 30th, 2008 by admindude

Actually, it really is an honor just to be nominated

Exurbanleague is a finalist in the 2008 Weblog Awards.

Best Small Blog (Authority between 101 and 200)

Chatting at the Sky

A Blog for All

Pirate’s Cove

Nice Deb

The Glittering Eye

Woman Honor Thyself

 Black Women, Blow The Trumpet

Thanks to our reader(s) who made this possible, and we look forward to competing with that Glenn Reynolds guy next year.

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December 30th, 2008 by admindude

Excuse me while I whip my geek out

Can’t. Wait.

The graphic novel was just… amazing, and the movie looks like it will be, too.

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December 30th, 2008 by admindude

What a long, strange Tripp it’s been.

The Atlantic might want to cinch up the straps on Andrew Sullivan’s straitjacket:

The teenage daughter of former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has given birth to a son months after the announcement of her pregnancy became one of the first dark clouds (but we’re not editorializing! — Ed.) to swirl over the Alaska governor’s candidacy.

People magazine reported that 18-year-old Bristol Palin gave birth to Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston on Sunday. He weighed 7 pounds, 4 ounces. Colleen Jones, the sister of Bristol’s grandmother, told the magazine that “the baby is fine and Bristol is doing well.”

I would have named him Maverick. Nevertheless, warm congratulations to the Palin and Johnston families!
In response to the subarctic bundle of joy, an outraged Sullivan has ordered the McCain Campaign to surrender the placenta to an Anchorage DNA lab. Sullivan then washed the spittle off his monitor and got back to playing with cat toys.
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December 30th, 2008 by admindude

Spam,spam,spam,spam, wonderful spam!

One enticing thing about an Obama administration is the chance that musubi will be more available to we haole here on the mainland.

And what’s our Presidents and their awful backswings, anyways?

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December 29th, 2008 by admindude