The Volcano Gun

220px-Joe_Versus_The_VolcanoThink of this as the opposite of the “If you had to choose only one gun to live with on a desert island” type of post. If you had to rid the world of only one gun by throwing every single one of them into a volcano to appease the angry volcano gods, what gun would it be?

I would gladly and gleefully rid the entire world of every  single Desert Eagle in existence.

I hate those guns. I don’t like them. I don’t like the people who buy them and then make ridiculous videos of their girlfriends hurting themselves while trying to shoot them. I don’t like them because they’re ugly, jam-omatics, and they come in colors and styles that make Saddam Hussein’s gold-plated AK look like the quintessence of restrained, tasteful design.

I hate Deagles.

For the good of humanity, I’d sacrifice every single one of them into a volcano, but I’m worried that the volcano gods would reject such an inferior offering and kill us all out of spite. If the volcano gods did such things, my backup plan is to offer them every single Mosin Nagant ever made, except for a few to keep as props if they ever want to do a re-make of “Enemy At The Gates“.

Now I know there are some people who will read this and say “MOLON LABE, BEATCHES!!!! NO GUNS DESTROYED EVER, cause, um, SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED!!!!!!”, but look, every once in a while, we need to cull the herd. As an example, the lads on Top Gear are unequalled in their passion for cars, but even they know what to do with a stinker like the Morris Marina.

Tough love, baby, tough love.

Ok, so what other gun(s) needs to get tossed into Mauna Loa to save the planet and appease the gun gods?

As Dave Barry Might Say…

Florida Man“.

A Land O’ Lakes man faces a manslaughter charge after he allegedly tried to shoot a bucket from a man’s head — but missed, killing him.

According to the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office, the whole thing started Sunday evening outside the Rock Harley Saloon in Land O’ Lakes. They say Billy Lee McDaniel was undergoing an initiation into the Southern Sons Motorcycle Club — an act that apparently involved holding a plastic bucket above his head while club members threw cups and bottles into it.

That’s when, deputies say, Jeffrey Camarda tried to shoot the bucket from McDaniel’s head, but missed and hit him in the head instead.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

The Army Rejects the Beretta M9A3 Pistol

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Supposedly, the M9A3 is now telling everyone that actually, THEY rejected the Army first, and they’re now seeing someone new who’s TOTALLY AWESOME and not like that total lame-o loser military contract they were seeing last year.

Reports that the M9A3 is, in reality, curled up on the sofa, wearing a camo Snuggie and listening to James Blunt songs while scarfing down their third pint of Ben’N’Jerry’s remain unconfirmed at this time.

It’s Tam’s internet, we just play in it.

As seen on the Book Of Face:

A thread I have never ever seen on a firearms forum:

“Hi, everybody! Well, with the news stories that have been on lately, my boyfriend has decided that he wants to start CCWing. He’s been resistant to the idea before, so I didn’t try to force him, but now that he wants to carry, I realize I have no idea what would be a good gun for a man. You married ladies, what kind of gun is popular with the fellas in your life?”

Because that would sound %$@#ing retarded.

That’s all for me, folks, I can’t top that today.

Derp Man’s Hand

Let’s do the rundown, shall we?

  • Unsafe gun handling? Check!
  • Tactical beer bellies? Check!
  • Obnoxious hardcore rock? Check!
  • Specialized scenarios disguised as drills? Check!

With a special added bonus: Doing all of that akimbo!!

They do firearms training programs for youths. Here’s a tip, if you let your kids anywhere near these guys, it probably could be considered child endangerment.

Thanks to Grant Cunningham for exhuming this piece of firearms training excrement.

Update: They’ve pulled the video. Dang it, I  knew I should have mirrored it.

Update 2: Found it on Facebook. Enjoy.

No. Not this.

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Found this on a Facebook group that I belong to:

“Imagine you and your family are in a store shopping for whatever reason, that store ends up with an employee that was fired hell bent on revenge, or a gas station where you’re simply grabbing fuel and a soda, all of a sudden it’s being robbed at gun point, well I’m the quiet guy who’s in the isle (sic) next to you who has trained and trained and trained and trained, and guess what I also carry a firearm. I am your silent protector, there’s no police officer there only me, the national guard is not there, only me, not even a Navy Seal team can get there fast enough to save your life. Yet I am there, I am a responsible gun owner with a license to carry a firearm, not only for the safety of myself and my family, but also for you and yours.”

It was meant as a plea to others who don’t believe in the right to keep and bear arms, but it sounds more like Tom Joad delivering a Batman speech.

If I *ever* start to talk like this, reach in to your monitor and gently tap me with a clue bat. I am not a “silent protector”, I’m just some dood who wants to keep on living, no matter what.