Obama Reaches Out to ‘Moderate’ Pirate Community

April 9, 2009 | By admindude | Filed in: Humor, Jon, Politics.

After maintaining his silence for two days, President Obama will soon make his first public statement about the pirate attack upon an U.S.-flagged vessel off the Horn of Africa. After several inquiries and a few well-placed bribes, Exurban League has received an early transcript of the President’s remarks:

Image source.

Good evening. As you know, early yesterday, Somali-based pirates attacked the Maersk Alabama, a freighter carrying relief supplies to Kenya. While we do not yet know all the details, the Alabama’s crew re-took control of the vessel and forced the pirates off the ship.

Since the pirates are still holding the captain, I have sent FBI negotiators to facilitate his safe and speedy release. I assure his friends and family that I will not stop until this man-made disaster is resolved in a peaceful, tolerant and ecologically-sound manner.

Obviously, this incident has raised many concerns among Americans. There have been calls for justice and even violence against the misguided perpetrators. But such an emotional reaction has led to the disparagement of entire groups with which we are unfamiliar. We have seen this throughout history.

For too long, America has been too dismissive of the proud culture and invaluable contributions of the Pirate Community. Whether it is their pioneering work with prosthetics, husbandry of tropical birds or fanciful fashion sense, America owes a deep debt to Pirates.

The past eight years have shown a failure to appreciate the historic role of these noble seafarers. Instead of celebrating their entreprenuerial spirit and seeking to partner with them to meet common challenges, there have been times where America has shown arrogance and been dismissive, even derisive.

Some of us wonder if our current Overseas Contingency Operation would even be needed had the last administration not been so quick to label Pirates as “thieves,” “terrorists” and worse. Such swashbucklaphobia can lead to tragic results, as we have seen this week.

To address this issue, I have instructed Vice President Joe Biden to create a cabinet-level Czar of Pirate Outreach and Buccaneer Interrelation. In addition, June 1-7 has been designated as Pirate Awareness Week, during which all federal buildings will fly the Jolly Roger and sponsor sensitivity training. Thankfully, my American Recovery and Reinvestment Act will fund free grog and hard tack for all attendees.

Finally, to all pirates listening to international broadcasts, shortwave services and ship-to-shore radio, let me say this:

Ahoy, me regret arr relationship has set sail in a scurvy manner. Arr people share many mutual ‘alues and concerns on t’ raging main. Perchance, could ye handsomely release the cap’n o’ the ship and I assure that no harm will come t’ ye or ye hearties. Let us smite t’ reset button and launch our seabond on a new pegleg. Savvy? Godspeed t’ ye and t’ ye beauties. Aye, me parrot concurs.

UPDATE: Not only does Hugh Hewitt link to this post, he and Mark Steyn laugh about it on air. My life is now complete.

UPDATE 2: Mentioned by Rush? Wow, did this go viral. But to answer some leftist complaints, a related post was in order. Also, you can follow me on Twitter right here.


130 comments on “Obama Reaches Out to ‘Moderate’ Pirate Community

  1. Christa says:

    Can the resident gun nut address the issue of why these cargo crews are unarmed? I would think they’d have every right to bears arms for protection. And for the companies that own the ships, I’d think arming their crews would be an obvious option as opposed to losing your cargo or being extorted for $20M. I don’t get it.

    And while I am commenting…anyone else notice that during all of the recent pirate activity in the Indian Ocean that this is the first ship flying the Stars and Stripes to be accosted? Makes one wonder why, no?

  2. Exurbankevin says:

    *looks around*

    Oh, me.

    Ummmn, Ok, well, I’m not a lawyer (praise God!), but from what I can find out, they’re not armed ’cause they’ve not needed to be armed (http://features.csmonitor.com/globalnews/2009/04/08/to-stop-pirates-do-ships-need-firepower/).

    And I have a feeling the Maersk Alabama wasn’t flagged as a US ship until recently, much like all those tankers that were re-flagged as US ships during the Iran-Iraq War.

  3. ExJon – I had been dismayed by the sparse frequency of your posting recently, but if you were saving it all up for this one post, it was worth it. Instant classic. “Swashbucklaphobia” was the monitor-sprayer . . .

  4. Wry Mouth says:

    uh, oh.

    Too “lifelike” a transcript. People will not understand it is satire.

    Er.

    It *IS* satire, isn’t it?

  5. Commander says:

    You forgot to add the part about reinstituting the US Assault Weapons Ban.

  6. That was great…assuming it’s a joke 😉

    I posted it to facebook and emailed it to all my friends…especially the liberal ones 🙂

  7. Newbomb Turk says:

    Congrats on the national press via Hugh!

    Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of guys.

    Mesa still sucks though….

  8. jr565 says:

    Shouldn’t we be marandizing these pirates? How do we know they’re pirates anyway? Maybe they’re just innocent stowaways or boarded the ship without realizing it was a pirate ship.

    They should be tried in civilian courts where they should have full habeus corpus rights. Anything short of that and we are as bad as Hitler
    !

  9. Skep41 says:

    These arent really THAT kind of pirates. Nothing is more offensive than sucking up to the wrong ethnic group. We should be a bit more fulsome in our apologies to the Somalis. After all, the ship involved was carrying imperialistic food aid for Somalia, a real insult to their national pride. We should just include Somalia in the New And Improved Immigration Bill. Then, as US citizens and registered voters, we can sign them up for some conflict resolution counseling and job training under the Stimulus Bill. Famines dont last long when there’s Food Stamps in the house! If they’ve received ransoms over $250k the IRS will have to be sent in to make those pesky marauders pay their fair share and of course the Carbon Tax will have to be applied to their boats. These boats will also have to comply with safety regulations, the crews unionized and a group health-care and workman’s comp insurance policy purchased. With the US Government involved we will soon remove any scrap of enterprise or initiative from Somalia and destroy the so-called ‘free’ economy that encourages piracy (aka capitalism).

  10. John Schuh says:

    Funny!

  11. Liberal Idiot says:

    It is very good to see that finally our president is doing the right thing, unlike the previous one! Of course the Somalis are angry with us! The whole world is! For eight years we attacked nation after nation, all the time ignoring the international consensus! Now the chickens come home to roost! It’s Bush’s fault!

  12. Angela says:

    Excellent post. Not just the writing, but the photo manip. Kudos!

  13. freedumb2003 says:

    That is a well-written piece! I am LOL in RL!

    But also, everyone should note that with the TOTUS reader at the helm of our national ship, our enemies are not scared in the least.

  14. Steve says:

    Great post! Too funny!!

    Would you like a Link Exchange with our blog COMMON CENTS? Check us out here…
    http://www.commoncts.blogspot.com

  15. Rosie says:

    OMG! I had corrective surgery six months ago to correct a problem and it worked great.. until today! i read this over 30 mins ago and i’m still busting a rib over it. It’s so ‘true’ it’s scary as hell!! After showing his disrespect to the Queen of England and bowing to the King of Saudi Arabia, a speech like that is just what i figure he has on his teleprompter!! I am surprised Mr Soetoro was able to travel in Europe without his teleprompter, but the few occasions when the media did ‘quote’ him, he blamed his lack of eloquence on fatigue.. yeah, that’s a good excuse that never gets old. Why can’t he ever just tell the truth?? His teleprompter isn’t portable and that’s why he can’t speak without it! Yanno they have them neat little book readers now that u can read a whole page on.. as thin as a credit card and just a bit bigger than a checkbook. What, he’s too cheap to buy one? Pardon, gotta run, need more towels under my chair.. LAFFIN.

  16. Freedomwarrior says:

    If it wasn’t so close to the truth it would really be funny, lol.

  17. ColonialMarine0431 says:

    Classic!

  18. I’m sending this essay to my favorite Good Pirate.

    Just perfect!

  19. I just linked you at Protein Wisdom. *Now* your life is complete!

  20. Magic Dog says:

    ‘scuse me, there are four pirates and an Amreican hostage sitting in a rowboat on the open ocean. The rowboat’s fuel is gone, and there’s a U.S. destroyer nearby.

    Now, you wingnut dorks, what in hell do you think is going to happen? And what do you want Obama to do? Order the rowboat blown out of the water, killing the American?

    Wait — don’t answer that.

  21. TRHein says:

    The rowboats fuel is gone because the pirates are weak from starvation? If that is the case then the American hostage should just jump overboard and swim to the destroyer. I don’t think its a rowboat.

    I personnal would like Obama to stop appeasing America’s enemies.

    In this case it would be nice if Obama would allow the destroyer to train all its weapons at the “rowboat” and give the pirates a choice.

  22. Benjamin says:

    Heh, funny article. However, I’m a little concerned that if Obama attended a Pirate Summit dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow – he may not be presenting the “moderate” image needed for such an encounter.

  23. JELGUY says:

    Now we know what Hillary Clinton was laughing about.

  24. Dan says:

    For the record, it is reported that the White House has commented that it prefers to not use the word “pirate” any longer but perfers the phrase “”People In Repressive And Tenuous Environments”

  25. Zifnab says:

    Most ships reregister in Liberia or one of the other smaller, cheaper coastal nations on crossing the Atlantic. It’s kinda the seafaring equivalent of a Cayman Islands bank account. So noting the flag doesn’t give much indication of which “country” is being pirated. Worth noting the ship itself – “– The MV Maersk Alabama (formerly the Alva Maersk) is a container ship owned by the Copenhagen, Denmark-based A. P. Moller-Maersk Group and is operated from Norfolk, Virginia by USA-based Maersk Line Limited. –” is actually Danish. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MV_Maersk_Alabama

  26. You did notice that’s the “ARR” Act of 2009 – yes? I think we’ve all been shanghaied.

  27. LOL ~ well done!!

    Jonah Goldberg @ The Corner @ NRO just excerpted and linked up to this, so you should be getting more traffic and comments today. I’ll link up from E!! blog during blogging hour (lunch time).

    (John McJunkin has told me to get in touch with you guys at least a half dozen times; I’ve been remiss in not doing so. Drop by or shoot me an email when all your media frenzy dies down.)

    E!!

  28. CC says:

    We should give the pirates TARP money – that’ll sink ’em with the great ball and chain of the federal government.

  29. Tim says:

    Awesome parody, in this insane period of history of our country, a version of your parody IS possible……

  30. VibrioCocci says:

    Limbaugh just mentioned your article on his show today, too.

  31. Absolute PURE BLOGGING GOLD!

    Best thing I have read today!

  32. Not the 0ne says:

    And i thought that “0” was just a butt pirate!? WHO KNEW!?

  33. xqqme says:

    ‘International Talk Like a Pirate Day’ is September 19, 2009.

  34. ken says:

    Rush just read an excerpt from this post. Good for you. Maybe, more complete now?

  35. ken says:

    vibriococci: Didn’t see your post. Didn’t realize the time stamp was Pacific time. I thought the thread went quiet for a while.

  36. DB says:

    The boat is carrying food aid, and by law all US aid must be carried on US boats.

  37. Dr. Psycho says:

    The reason this ship was retaken was because it was crewed by members of the United States Merchant Marine.

    Demonstrating once again that if you want a job done right, hire union labor.

  38. Magic Dog says:

    Your drunken idiot, the wonderful George W. Bush, got us into multitrillion dollar wars in Iraq and Afghanistan that are classic tar babies, and you want more confrontation.

    Nice idea about sinking the rowboat. If I were the hostage and interested in living the second half of my life, I’d be glad that wingnuts weren’t in control of the U.S. government right now.

  39. WriterX says:

    One of the funniest pics so far of our dear President. The only thing missing is a gold front tooth. Thanks for the laugh.
    http://the100mostannoyingthings.blogspot.com/

  40. Heraldblog says:

    You don’t know what “appeasement” means. And Muslims are not pirates. Other than that, you make a point.

  41. Arrgggg says:

    Brilliant piece.

    Update: In an effort to empathize with the pirates, Obama has suited up in traditional pirate garb to deal with the issue.

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/templarion/261688077/

  42. This is “Gold” or should I say “Booty?”

  43. Jansen says:

    Thanks! I really needed a good laugh today! You really understand the real Obama!!!

  44. The only religion listed in the CIA World Book for Somalia is Sunni Muslim, so it’s safe to infer that these Somali pirates are probably Muslim. From my POV, the race,religion, place of national origin, gender, sexual orientation, etc etc of the pirates is rather immaterial. Pirates are still pirates & should be dealt with in a similar manner that Jefferson dealt with the Barbary pirates.

  45. Hunchy says:

    I’m afraid I just soiled me underbreeches. This is Bush’s fault.
    Don’t all you Libs agree.

  46. The only religion listed in the CIA World Book for Somalia is Sunni Muslim:

    https://http://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/so.html#People

    so it’s safe to infer that these Somali pirates are probably Muslim. From my POV, the race,religion, place of national origin, gender, sexual orientation, etc etc of the pirates is rather immaterial. Pirates are still pirates & should be dealt with in a similar manner that Jefferson dealt with the Barbary pirates.

  47. deadenders says:

    Holy crap is that a funny post!

  48. pomoc says:

    This is just to good great pirate pic ,I a have some old swim fins in the pool house where the hell is JACK BAUER when you need him H. MMMMMMMMM

  49. FEDUP says:

    What we really need for them is a Gen. Swartzkoff’S right hook. How world wide people put up with this crap is beyond me. It’s not America’s problem, till now, it is everyones.

  50. Tim_CA says:

    Absolutely perfect!! Still laughing!

  51. Gary says:

    Funny stuff, great Photoshop work on that picture too. Hats off.

  52. Whisper in the wind says:

    Dude, this is hilarious. And the photoshop rocks…first time I’ve ever seen the Obamanation looking masculine, and all it took was eye makeup and a moustache.

  53. Jim says:

    I particularly like the pirate dialect. It sounds so like the Presidential writers’ schtick.

    YYYYYAAAAAARGH!

  54. EARN & VALUE says:

    Dare not repeat the words all socialists fear; EARN, VALUE AND RESPONSIBILITY FOR ACTIONS. There is no real difference in results between followers of “THE ONE” and the “PIRATES”.

  55. Doc says:

    Better yet, where is John Clark when you need him?

  56. cathymv says:

    As funny as this is… and as brilliant as this is… sadly, I can see the administration gnashing their teeth in frustration because they didn’t come up with it first…

    Kudos!!!

    Cathy

  57. Gekkobear says:

    …there have been times where America has been dismissive, even derisive; when we should have sent a missive.

    Perhaps being submissive, permissive, and conducive to these who are impressive would have been incisive and decisive instead of unresponsive and excessive.

  58. Lindy says:

    Rush also mentioned it today on his show, and read portions of it.

  59. MissButterfly says:

    I laughed out loud over and over reading this – a classic!

  60. Is “Talk Like a Pirate Day” a federal holiday yet?

  61. Barnestormer says:

    Next, the mascot outrage and sensitivity offensive. Dust off your Plan Bs Pittsburgh, Tampa Bay, Oakland….

  62. Kyle says:

    Could the President employ Johnny Depp to do the outreach? Hollywood would love to assist this president in a meaningful way, and Capt. Jack Sparrow might be just the man to reach out to the moderate disemboweling, rum-swilling rapists of that community.

  63. K says:

    Laws vary from port to port so they don’t carry them. Imagine getting gun permits in every country.

    Also, they really aren’t set up to repel boarders. There were 21 people on the ship and at night, less than a handful are on duty/awake.

  64. Daniel says:

    LOL!!! That was awesome. Strangely is was all too real given who you’re talking about but it was very funny!

    Found out about this at Hotair.com

  65. Hobie says:

    Magicdog, you are an idiot. Your first sentence is about Bush? Really?

    Why don’t you realize that the Pirates are the first actors here; they did something. Everything else is a reaction.

    The best part about your post is that this article is making fun of Obama. You ignore that fact completely, and try to blame this entire event on Bush. Stay focused! Classic lookaway!

    Pay no attention to what is really going on, look at what Bush did!! You are a joke.

    I guess you would like to give the pirates their requested escape route, allow them to get to shore, and continue with their extortion. Business as usual.

    We need to shoot all these pirates now. Magicdog is a coward and enabler.

  66. Hobie says:

    That would work, the Teleprompter Jesus just hired Kumar [Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanamo]! Perhaps he can hire Simple Jack to do outreach as well…

  67. M Lyster says:

    As my preteen daughter would write, “OMG, LOL”! The only sad thing about this PAINFULLY funny piece is that it’s not too radical to be untrue.
    Oh, and by the way: I PRAY that “Liberal Idiot” was kidding in his post. Of course we attack countries we don’t like: what good are F15s and aircraft carriers, if you can’t blow up something once in awhile?
    The Telegraph in the UK refers to POTUS as “President Pantywaist” in an editorial today. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

  68. I can’t confirm Johnny Depp’s involvement in the French assault on the pirated sailboat, though we do know he is in France. I can say with certainty that BHO’s telepromter will have to be uploaded with the proper pirate dialect in order for
    Baaahr-ack to Baaaahr-gain with the Man Caused Disasterators.

  69. Rich says:

    Let me get this straight. Obama votes present in pirate case. 4 pirates are holding off the US Navy. LOL. Welcome to Obamaland. Oh well they may need to meet and offer them asylum in the US with full benifits with citizenship, full college tuition, social security and health care.

  70. liberaldude says:

    Aw, look at the cute wingnuts, laughing at a sophomoric article.

  71. Sam H says:

    Magic Doug and the rest of the cowards who compose the political and cultural left need to calm down somewhat and try not to be so hysterical. Do not worry Dougie and lefties; real men and women will protect you.

    And, by the way Doug, many millions of us miss the heck out of Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney. Your effete and oh-so-hip and cool political heroes, from Mr. Clinton to the current joke you have foisted upon the American public, could not defend themselves or their wives…much less a country.

    There, there Doug…it will be okay.

  72. Exurbankevin says:

    Because if there’s anyone who knows what sophomoric humour is REALLY is all about, it’s a liberal.

  73. Dan says:

    Has anyone been able to confirm whether or not any of the pirates is Obama’s brother?

    Has he moved on from Drug Dealing?

  74. Sam H says:

    Dan shoots! Dan scores!

    By the way, not that names matter because one cowardly and progressive leftist is the same as the next (although they claim to be so “unique”…weird…kind of like a whole bunch of people with the same silly tattoo trying to be so cool), but my earlier missive was addressed to Magic Dog, not MagicDoug.

  75. RICK says:

    Great piece, heard it on Rush on 4/10/09.

  76. Lynn says:

    Maybe the pirate just need a hug.

  77. Jill says:

    That was nothing short of hilarious! That’s going to leave me giggling throughout the evening, no doubt!!

  78. Joe L. says:

    very funny. what’s even funnier is it could easily pass as the real thing and not a single Liberal or troll would doubt its authenticity

  79. vanderleun says:

    Just remember that I knew you when you were little people.

  80. Rod Williams says:

    Very funny! very clever. I reposted on my blog.

  81. Exurban Jon says:

    We’re still little. It’s the links that got big.

  82. TimothyJ says:

    You silly people, The Won will go to a pet store tomorrow with the Obamedia in tow and the pirates will be off the scope for good.

  83. bour3 says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha. Great satire.

  84. RB says:

    this is brilliant.

  85. Wazzi says:

    It be good to know Captn Blackbarry has things under control!

  86. Jeff says:

    For Christa – Merchant crews are unarmed because the various laws require it. Historically, merchant ships are officially neutral, and when you put weapons on board that changes that official diplomatic status and opens up a huge can of worms, particularly with regard to the modern potential for civil liabilities if someone shoots a weapon, even if in self defense. The captain of a ship is allowed to have one pistol, ostensibly to be able to avert a mutiny or disturbance among the crew. This weapon is usually an old .38 revolver with one box of 50 cartridges. It resides in the Captain’s safe and is never taken out except to be viewed as a turn over item – the companies are terrified of the weapons because of the liability issue.

    Merchant ships can be guarded by contracted security personnel or a nation can put their military on board as naval armed guards (we did this in WW II). The crews of public vessels (i.e. the Navy’s Military Sealift Command) are allowed to be armed for self defense, but the issue of civil liability looms over everything, as they are not accorded protection of the gov’t as are military personnel.

    Please forgive my long winded answer. Bottom line is neutrality status and liability.

  87. Jack Bauer says:

    Yo Ho Ho… And a bottle of dumb

    GREAT PARODY. And let’s consider the laughable absurdity of this:

    There’s a small lifeboat, 4 Muslim pirate terrorists armed with AK-47s and one captive, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by US Warships…

    And the President of the United States sends in… (DRUM ROLL) an FBI negotiator.

    God almighty.

    Now, anyone care to muse why that gutsy Captain, who tried to escape, wasn’t immediately grabbed up by covert Seal Teams within ear shot of that life boat?

    Orders from el Presidente, maybe?

    Meanwhile Senator John Kerry (D) (who served in Vietnam, by the way) is to hold SENATE PIRATE HEARINGS… you can’t make this up.

    Provisional List of Witnessses
    Johnny Depp
    Long John Silver
    Jim Hawkins
    Captain Hook
    Peter Pan
    Blackbeard
    East Carolina U Pirates &
    Petey The Pirate

    C-Span, in alliance with ARR-Span and Pirate Radio, is expected to cover the whole proceedings live next Monday thru Thursday.

    Meanwhile the smartest, handsomest, bravest and buffest man who ever lived, everer — President Obama is boning up on the subject by reading Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island, J.M. Barrie’s Peter Pan; and taking a fact-finding trip on Airforce One to Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean theme park ride

    Here’s what I don’t understand about the whole “pirate outreach” thang under the Obama administration.

    Sexretary of State H. Clintoon can’t wait to screech that this is a “criminal matter.” Just like all those other man made disaster operatives, normal citizens call terrorists

    Okay — then how can the Obama administration use the US military to settle any criminal act?

    In “criminal” acts, doesn’t the Justice Department have to follow a few basic certain procedures. Y’know like uh…ummm…errr..

    1. Miranda rights?

    2. Legal protections for the “criminals,” such as chain of evidence, lawyer present at interview, right to confront accuser?

    3. Prosecution of any Marines for any action that violates their “rights.” Hell they’ve prosecuted US troops for killing terrorists in a war zone.

    Oh well, when it’s all resolved, I expect the President to give us another Obowa.

  88. Jack Patman says:

    Obama would never issue such a speech. Being as politically savvy as he is, he would know what he risks by offering such concessions to the Pirate Community at the risk of offending the Ninja Community. Anger the ninjas at your own risk!

  89. Thomas Ho says:

    The Twitter URL in your post is BROKEN. It seems to have an “extra” https://

  90. Exurbankevin says:

    Just like my cat, it’s fixed now. Thanks for pointing that out.

  91. Art says:

    I wonder if having my kid check the ‘pirate’ box on her college applications will give her a better chance now… diversity is important…

  92. Marie says:

    Time to appreciate an intelligent president that believes in treating all people with respect and listenting and negotiating. It may not work, however, it is the first peaceful step and the elders in Somalia who know their own culture suggested this to the Navy and the Navy should accept their off to release the captain to the Navy aned release the pirates to their elders. Then, the next step is to determine how to deal with this critical problem so there will not be lives lost. This is an international challenge, not an American one. Rosie, wake up and give thanks that we no longer are under the Bush and Cheney dictatorship. From an independent who votes for intelligence and leaders than understand strategy and negotiation and want peace in the world.

  93. Dr D says:

    Pres Obama will probably eventually kiss their little Pirate booties. He certainly doesn’t seem in a rush to kick them.

  94. Crancocc says:

    Let’s see:
    Pizza or Pirates?
    Pizza or Pirates?
    Pizza or Pirates?
    Pizza or Pirates?
    Pizza or Pirates?
    Pizza or Pirates?
    Pizza wins hands down.

  95. Marie says:

    Time to appreciate an intelligent president that believes in treating all people with respect and listenting and negotiating. It may not work, however, it is the first peaceful step and the elders in Somalia who know their own culture suggested this to the Navy and the Navy should accept their off to release the captain to the Navy aned release the pirates to their elders. Then, the next step is to determine how to deal with this critical problem so there will not be lives lost. This is an international challenge, not an American one. Rosie, wake up and give thanks that we no longer are under the Bush and Cheney dictatorship. From an independent who votes for intelligence and leaders than understand strategy and negotiation and want peace in the world.

  96. misanthropicus says:

    Groovy! Discovered you via El Rushbo’s transcript, his quotation unfortunately not long enough.
    Anyway, congrats – I’ll be back.

  97. Dohtimes says:

    Oh man, somewhere in Somalia the one man who can write will take up his stick and scratch in the sand the history of the epic battle known as Green Parrot Down. Then he will retire for the night with his favorite goat and dream what it must be like to be you.

  98. Jim Peters says:

    Obama, will just scold them and then offer money. What planet are you from ?
    You need to crawl out from under your bed and be strong.

  99. Patrick says:

    Well Captain Phillips was freed. Not confirmed, but appears the Navy Seals were involved. Three pirates dead, one captured. Hope we get some information from him. So this mission was a complete success.
    It appears the so-called dithering, was due to careful planning.
    I await the congratulations for the President from the right wing. Now if the mission was a failure they would blame him. Nice to have a calm intelligent President.

  100. BK Masterson says:

    The best outcome we could have hoped for. This president will delegate everything and fortunately in this instance left it with the military on the ground. Thank goodness for those thorough professionals. Bless them all.

  101. vanderleun says:

    “I await the congratulations for the President from the right wing.”

    OK. I score it —
    People freed under Bush: 61,000,000
    People freed under Obama: 1

    Go O!

  102. jana says:

    Patrick:
    For the record, Phillips was not “freed”.

    He was rescued. And, he was rescued by brave Navy personnel, not the Pizza-eater-in-Chief, who was just waiting around to see if “negotiations” would work.

  103. dina little says:

    brilliant!
    I bet this makes Obama really ticked off…he doesn’t strike me as someone who has a real sense of humor.
    dina

  104. bobbyoshea says:

    get a load of the HuffPo:
    Pirates misunderstood. Just want to protect their territorial waters from Western rape and European dumping.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/johann-hari/you-are-being-lied-to-abo_b_155147.html
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-vazquez/on-pirates_b_186015.html
    “During the revolutionary war in America, George Washington and America’s founding fathers paid pirates to protect America’s territorial waters, because they had no navy or coastguard of their own. Most Americans supported them. Is this so different?”
    “As is apparent these days, one man’s pirate is another man’s coast guard. ”

  105. RomeoHotel says:

    Don’t call them “pirates”.

    Call them “undocumented sailors”.

    Or “alternative sea merchants”.

    Or “unsunken treasure hunters”.

  106. Tom Buser says:

    Now that is funny. You know that everything that happens in the next four years (God help us if it’s eight) will be the result of centuries of fat, old bald white men oppressing the freedom of all those who do not fall into that category. Pirates, as the story implies, are simply misunderstood. Well done!!!!!!!!

  107. Brooks says:

    I crave rhetoric… my fix, a Pirate Speech.

    http://perceptionasreality.blogspot.com/

  108. FlatlanderByTheLake says:

    Well well! Apparently your “intelligent president” disrespected those misunderstood pirates and got our Captain back the old-fashioned way. I guess we misunderestimated Maobama!

  109. Pegleg Jim says:

    Arrr. That be funny. I care naught who ye be.

    That Obamer, give him the Black Spot, sez I.

  110. Terry says:

    That stuff on your face?? It’s called egg. You just got owned by the Somali situation

  111. Peter the Great says:

    Now that we’ve seem the outcome of the negotiations it looks like Ol Obama made you twits look like the morons you are. Y’all have fun sitting at the train station bitching, moaning and making up conspiracy theories while the rest of the country tries to recover from the lost years while y’all were in power.

    See y’all in 2012, bring Palin- PLEASE!

  112. Abusore Abonen says:

    Hugh Hewitt sulat Mark Steyn ompeve Maersk Alabama sile coun. Sotio FBI titom wome Jolly Roger aron alean US Navy. Temerin ric alplifou Kenya folome temen Somalia—muspe berer oulre Obama! Sonte arve Biden, fowe tomen. Reme raco America faton!

  113. David says:

    The reason why this may be the first US Flagged ship to be so accosted is due more to the paucity of US flagged ships than to a reluctance of the pirates to upset America. due to requirements set out by Congress on US Flagged ships, there are very few such ships in the world. Even ships that sail close to home, like cruise ships and such, are not flagged as US ships due to the onerous requirements set out by Congress.

  114. Rebekah says:

    Article Linked to by: TheResourceProject.ca

    “We don’t need this, we already have VBSs with pirate and princess themes. How better to promote sensitivity in the next generation then by having the church glorify thieves, murderers, and rapists. All that being said, a little extra help from the state is always welcome. (exurbanleague.com)”

  115. Rebel says:

    Hey! How’s that POBI cabinet post comin’ along? Oh my my, you’re not going to tell me ’twas just another fantastical figment of RW delusionalism now, are ya?

    Do they torture, too??

  116. Boat expert says:

    I think we’ve established that it isn’t a rowboat. Rowboats don’t need fuel. They are human powered.

    Also, you may need to explain your connection of G. W. Bush to the pirates. Do you think the pirates know Iraqis and Afghans, and have some sort of empathy for them? What kind of idiot are you?

  117. JB says:

    I would note, though, that “all federal buildings will fly the Jolly Roger” is pretty close to true already, isn’t it?

  118. Senior Chief says:

    It’s not a boat, it’s a ship. It’s really not so difficult: A ship can carry a boat, but a boat can’t carry a ship, though a big boat can carry a small boat.

  119. listeninglu says:

    I think you ALL need a hug!

  120. Congrats on the national press via Hugh!

    Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of guys.

    Mesa still sucks though….

  121. If it wasn’t so close to the truth it would really be funny, lol.

  122. Dr. Psycho says:

    Huh? The post imagines President Obama ineffectually trying to appease the pirates. In reality, he kicked their asses. I guess Republicans have a different idea of what it means to come “close to the truth”….

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  124. Linises says:

    I think you ALL need yuo a hug!

  125. I wonder how much the radio talk influenced your blog?

  126. okazii says:

    he will play in the next part of the “Pirates of the….”
    🙂