Excuse me, but your flank is showing.

Diagram 1 illustrates how the Summer 2008 battle was won.

1. With a token force, Gen. McCain taunts Obama as an lightweight, celebrity elitist.

2. After some hesitation, Lt. Obama orders the entire Democratic Army to attack McCain’s forces, focusing on his many homes.

3. McCain’s small force rapidly retreats towards his Arlington condo with Obama’s army in fevered pursuit.

4. McCain attacks Obama’s exposed left flank with the savage Rezko-Mansion division.

5. At the same time, McCain irregulars attack Obama’s exposed right flank led by the Ayers Bombadiers.

Then of course, McCain’s main force turns back around to rejoin the battle.

Even at this early stage, every West Point plebe could see that the day belonged to Gen. McCain’s Republican Guard. If Lt. Obama had read more about Cannae, Marathon, Cowpens, etc., he might have been better prepared for the obvious pincer movement Gen. McCain had planned all along.

UPDATE: Welcome to our visitors from Instapundit, Hugh Hewitt, Ace, Hot Air, et al! As always, make yourself at home. Chips are on the table, drinks are in the fridge.

UPDATE 2: Great addition from reader Mark J…

Comment by Gen. McCain overheard by his staff: “Obama, you magnificent bastard, I read BOTH your books!”

 

41 Comments

  1. Wilf says:

    Sort of like Agincourt all over again, but with Obama as the French – and look how well they did then!

  2. MarkJ says:

    Comment by Gen. McCain overheard by his staff:

    “Obama, you magnificent bastard, I read BOTH your books!”

  3. Your Majesty says:

    Funny but false. Obama doesn’t have a right flank. More like: he attacked from the left flank and left himself vulnerable from the right and the center.

  4. Jenn says:

    I have been a faithful reader for all of a couple weeks – and with this I am hooked. Priceless!!

  5. Major Bill says:

    I don’t know, I’m a little unhappy referring to Obama as a Lieutenant. Lieutenants have EARNED their rank and actually know something.. Obama is more of a Clown Prince.

  6. Keith says:

    Ya gotta love it. You didn’t mention that the drinks in the fridge are soda pop. Where do you keep the barley pop? 🙂 My first visit. Nice clean layout. I’ll be back, but don’t post much.

  7. Dave says:

    Well done!

  8. douglas says:

    Nice one. I think it should be “Generalissimo” Obama, or perhaps “Supreme Commander” Obama. One of those self-appointed, important sounding ranks.

  9. Bill MacLean says:

    I like the idea of changing titles. How about “Maximum Leader”, as that’s the title Fidel used. It’s got that cool people’s champion flair to it.

  10. ChknLtL says:

    MarkJ: The Patton connection made my day.

  11. John Moore says:

    Nice work and nice to see a fellow Arizona blog get the ‘lanches.

    John in PV

  12. Mark says:

    Great work. Definitely adding this blog to my blogroll.

    btw, do the drinks include Guiness? 🙂

  13. mountb says:

    How about “God-King” a la Xerxes @ Thermopylae?

    Great post!

  14. Exurban Jon says:

    Thanks! Guinness, Smithwick’s and Harp are all on tap, my friend.

  15. Exurban Jon says:

    Psst… the good stuff’s in the cooler out back.

  16. Cincinnatus says:

    Guiness is the world’s best-looking beer, but has no flavor, IMO. Should be kept in plain view. Has kick, though.

  17. Bob says:

    MarkJ, I was reading your comment while chewing a mouthful of Cheerios. I am STILL cleaning off my flatscreen.

  18. Pat says:

    The staff needs to say more! Both the battle plan and comment were a wonderful way to start the day. Am sending your site to friends. They need a laugh too. Can’t wait for more.

  19. Dr. Zaius says:

    Agreed. Perhaps it’s best to call Obama a “cadet,” if it can be done without insulting honorable cadets everywhere. He certainly hasn’t earned even that designation.

    Perhaps “irregular” is better for Obama?

  20. BaghdadWombat says:

    Actually — He has a left flank and a far left flank. To paraphrase Generalissimo Reagan…unfortunately his left flank didn’t know what his far left flank was doing…

  21. Billypadre says:

    pretty damn impressive stuff here.
    Billy likee.
    Billy will be back.
    Even if you are a bunch of zoners.

  22. Alan Kellogg says:

    MarkJ, You forgot this part…

    “…and had time for Moby Dick.”

  23. LeonidasOfSparta says:

    LMAO glad I swallowed my coffee just before reading your comment.

  24. “Clown Prince” is good, but I like “The Pretender” better.

  25. John K. says:

    “Cannae, Marathon, Cowpens, etc.”

    See also, John Sevier at Boyd’s Creek.

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  32. Jon says:

    I like the idea of changing titles. How about “Maximum Leader” , as that’s the title Fidel used. It’s got that cool people’s champion flair to it.

  33. Love your site and the how you made the title sounds so curious.

  34. Jon says:

    The staff needs to say more! Both the battle plan and comment were a wonderful way to start the day. Am sending your site to friends. They need a laugh too. Can’t wait for more.

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