Obama unveils new campaign bus.
Sen. Barack Obama surprised many political observers today by turning on his anti-war supporters — most notably MoveOn.org. As has been noted throughout the conservative blogosphere, this is just the latest incident of long-time Obama backers being thrown under the bus. But so strong a reversal would not have been possible without the Obama campaign bus unveiled last weekend.
Obama’s Electoral Assault Vehicle (EAV) marks an unprecedented advance in presidential campaign transportation. While his detractors call it overkill, the campaign insisted upon its necessity.
“The old bus was sufficient for the occasional primary bump in the road, be it financier Tony Rezko or Obama’s ‘typical white’ grandmother,” according to Norm Ornstein of the American Enterprise Institute. “However, tossing Rev. Jeremiah Wright under the bus caused some lasting damage to the drive train.” By the time Obama tossed the congregation of his former church under the bus, campaign transportation officials wondered if a standard luxury coach was up to the job.
“Our last bus has been leaking oil since April,” according to transportation chief Jan Michael Peppard. “We knew we’d have to up the stakes.”
Since campaign staff realized that the entire anti-war movement would have to be tossed under the bus before the convention, Peppard turned to ’70s film Damnation Alley for inspiration. “That thing could drive right over mutant animals and post-nuclear zombies,” Peppard said. “Picketers — even those carrying giant puppet heads — would not be a problem. This is just what we needed to get to November.”
“The EAV is 100 tons of hippie-crushing power,” said University of Virginia political science professor Larry Sabato. “Not the ACLU, NARAL, or even the Sierra Club can prevent Obama from veering to the middle of the road now.” Sabato expects to see Obama take out an entire ANSWER protest on Independence Day.
Seeing the ease with which Obama’s EAV drove over MoveOn.org, the cash-strapped McCain campaign is reportedly looking at lower-budget options. “Right now, we can only afford an armored semi like the one on The Road Warrior,” said McCain’s lead engineer. “But McCain wants to sit on the roof manning the crossbow.
UPDATE: Thanks to Mark Hemingway on The Corner!