Here’s an odd Obama controversy I hadn’t yet heard about. Apparently, the Lamb of Chicago has not released his Hawaii birth certificate despite several media requests. Jim Geraghty thinks it would end several persistent rumors concerning his birth.
Although Geraghty makes some good points, Exurban League’s research interns have uncovered several reasons Obama is keeping it under wraps.
Top Ten Reasons Obama Won’t Release His Birth Certificate
10. Despite the claims of his supporters, it was not technically a virgin birth.
9. Full name is Ayatollah Mubarack Hussein Obama-Khomeni bin Laden.
8. Actual birth date would reveal he’s a Virgo, and those people are %#&*@! CRAZY.
7. Accidentally shredded it while going through his Rezko mortgage records.
6. Doesn’t want NARAL to find out that his mom was pro-life.
5. Religion listed as “Muslim. Er, I mean Christian, yeah, that’s the ticket! Christian!”
4. “You show the reporters the birth certificate, then they want to see the baby pictures, and after oohing and aahing for an hour, you’re inviting them to stay for dinner, and… look, I’ve got a lot of stuff I need to get done, okay?”
3. Instead of being born at Leahi-Kai or Maluhia hospital, his mom picked Kokua Kalihi, and that place is just so ghetto.
2. His real father? Little Richard.
1. Can’t he just eat his waffle?