Top Ten Reasons Obama Won’t Release His Birth Certificate

June 9, 2008 | By admindude | Filed in: Humor, Jon, Politics.

Here’s an odd Obama controversy I hadn’t yet heard about. Apparently, the Lamb of Chicago has not released his Hawaii birth certificate despite several media requests. Jim Geraghty thinks it would end several persistent rumors concerning his birth.

Although Geraghty makes some good points, Exurban League’s research interns have uncovered several reasons Obama is keeping it under wraps.

Top Ten Reasons Obama Won’t Release His Birth Certificate

10. Despite the claims of his supporters, it was not technically a virgin birth.

9. Full name is Ayatollah Mubarack Hussein Obama-Khomeni bin Laden.

8. Actual birth date would reveal he’s a Virgo, and those people are %#&*@! CRAZY.

7. Accidentally shredded it while going through his Rezko mortgage records.

6. Doesn’t want NARAL to find out that his mom was pro-life.

5. Religion listed as “Muslim. Er, I mean Christian, yeah, that’s the ticket! Christian!”

4. “You show the reporters the birth certificate, then they want to see the baby pictures, and after oohing and aahing for an hour, you’re inviting them to stay for dinner, and… look, I’ve got a lot of stuff I need to get done, okay?”

3. Instead of being born at Leahi-Kai or Maluhia hospital, his mom picked Kokua Kalihi, and that place is just so ghetto.

2. His real father? Little Richard.

1. Can’t he just eat his waffle?

24 comments on “Top Ten Reasons Obama Won’t Release His Birth Certificate

  1. Jason Blaockwiz says:

    He’s not an American citizen and thus can’t become president.

  2. KT says:

    Hey, I have an idea. How about this time we choose our president on how well he will be able to lead the country, instead of stupid three-ring sideshow crap like this?

  3. JL says:

    So KT, the Obamination fails your test too. What’s the problem? Do you hate the concept of America, just like BHO, or are you torqued because your parents have cut off your allowance?

  4. krakatoa says:

    Heh… good list. Especially number 2.

    I think you left off “fee, fy, fo fanna” on number 9.

  5. baldilocks says:

    Actual birth date would reveal he’s a Virgo, and those people are %#&*@! CRAZY.

    I resemble that remark.

  6. Lonevoice says:


    Seriously, somebody owes me a keyboard…

  7. KT says:

    I just meant that we should be considering the things that actually matter about the candidates, instead of irrelevant stuff like this.

    But I guess that means I hate America, live in my Mom’s basement, etc, etc. Classy.

  8. desertdweller says:

    KT, Proof of citizenship isn’t needed for Homer Obama, since he’s a messiah, right?

  9. Art says:

    The reason for “stupid three-ring sideshow crap like this,” is that other than moronic pie in the sky platitudes about “HOPE and CHANGE” Obama has zero qualifications, and zero accomplishments to run anything, let along a country, and that is why we are reduced to talking about this.

    Personally, I think we should be talking about Larry Sinclair’s experiences with BHO.

  10. sugarandsass says:

    It’s not just about this one thing, but about all the little things added up together to prove that he can’t lead this country. He’s just too inexperienced to be able to take on the title of President of the United States. Maybe he should run for President of his girl’s school’s PTO first.

  11. Gayle Miller says:

    I read on some website some tortured rationalization that because his father was not a U.S. citizen, neither was he. How dumb. Look, I yield to nobody in my contempt for this empty suit BUT, that being said, he was born in the United States to an American mother and a Kenyan father and on that basis, he is a native-born U.S. citizen, qualified under the Constitution to hold the office. Now to his other complete lack of qualifications, that is a whole other story! He has no track record, no legislative accomplishments, and based on his choice of friends and associates, a complete lack of common sense! Not qualities I want in a president.

    Let’s face it – anyone who makes HILLARY look good by comparison – he’s a LOSER!

  12. Rob says:

    KT says: “How about this time we choose our president on how well he will be able to lead our country?” Fine. A good way to gauge future abiltiy is to examine past experience.

    What kind of leadership experience does Barry Obama have?


    Barry has no leadership experience.
    Barry has no executive experience.
    Barry has no business experience.
    Barry has no military experience.
    Barry has no legislative experience.
    (voting “present” for every vote doesn’t count)

    That said, how well will Barry lead this country?

    I was a squad leader in the Army and even graduated from the Army’s PLDC course. that stands for Primary LEADERSHIP Development Course. I have more leadership experience than this empty suit.

    I also used to own a business so I know how difficult it is to run a business when dolts like Barry Obama are raising your taxes and regulating you to death.

    Why don’t you just elect me? Unlike Obama, at least I’ve actually held a job in the private sector.

    Now, if you mean that Barry will “lead” this country into a socialist worker’s paradise where we will all be happy little proles working away in the gulag for the glory of Barry and the other members of the Politburo, then,yes, I agree: no one is better suited to that purpose than Barry Hussein Obama.

    If, however, you want a president who will uphold and defend the U.S. Constitution, protect America, strengthen the economy, and fight terrorism, then virtually anyone would be better suited to the office of president than Barry.

  13. robert says:

    you are an *******. I saw his birth certificate. Whereas I never saw yours.

  14. Debann says:

    Shut the **** up, fool. Obama just posted his birth certificate online. I guess you believe it has been altered. No need to reply, you have not argument.

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  17. TC says:

    First off, there is controversary MAINLY over whether or NOT his mother is legal. Not his father. We know he isn’t. But the mother was NOT born in the US, and her arrival in the states determines if Obama should be running for President.

    So your comment regarding being born to ‘american mother’ is way off base. HOWEVER your comments regarding his lack of voting is straight up the truth. I think any politician that ISN’T voting while in office is a farce. That’s why we put them there. So if they don’t vote, it’s due to they don’t want to be held accountable OR some one is saying ‘don’t do it, and we’ll give ya something in return’.

  18. g miller says:

    No real birth certificate. One was an obvious forgery- pathetic really. Second one was an image only of a certificate of live birth (NOT a birth certificate), which may mean he wasn’t born here. There are many other issues impacting Obama/Soetero’s eligibility. I suggest that you do more research before speaking up on this topic– truly the sleeper issue of 2009.

  19. g miller says:

    If we did, we certainly wouldn’t have chosen an unknown, with no significant accomplishments, murky origins, shady associates and hard-left tendencies now, would we? WOULD we?

  20. The first and only “evidence” proffered to support that theory surfaced just yesterday in the form of a document allegedly proving that Obama was, in fact, born at Coast General Hospital in Mombasa, Kenya in 1961

  21. His real father – Little Richard. That is too funny. Great post you have here and some good, subtle hints there for people who didn’t already know a couple of things.

  22. John Doe says:

    Even Hitler and Stalin had followers….

  23. His real father – Little Richard. That is too funny. Great post you have here and some good, subtle hints there for people who didn’t already know a couple of things.