America finally has the anti-sparkly candidate we've been waiting for. 

I will stop debt collectors from calling you. I will make it illegal for a company to sell a debt you have for purposes of collection. You and your family have dignity: you are not cattle to be sold back and forth in the debt marketplace. You know how horrible it is to have those vampires calling you, again and again and again. (emphasis mine)

We've all been there, settling down for a quiet dinner with the family, and then suddenly the door bursts open and thousands of vampire bill collectors break in. Happens all the time.

And people thought I was crazy for stocking up on holy water, garlic and lawn stakes all these years, just for the day that the vampire debt collectors attack. I applaud Alvin Greene and his campaign manager Hugh Van Helsing for making a stand against this menace when no other candidate would speak out on this issue that touches all our lives.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go buy more buckshot for when the zombie bill collectors attack. Never can be too prepared.